SeaHorse

This makes me homesick...

Rules for living in Vegas.

First, it's pronounced LOSS VAYGUS, nev-ADDA (not nev-AH-da). It doesn't matter how they say it in other places, You live HERE Now.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has no set traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive !

It's impossible to drive around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on! The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive".

The 8:00 am rush hour is 4:30 am to 11:30 am.

The 5:00 pm rush hour is 11:30 am to 10:15 pm.

Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends some time late Sunday night.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.

For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone.

Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining.


There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and." Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers every month.

The 215 beltway intersects on the North and the South with many of the same streets, such as Jones/215,Decatur/215 and Rainbow/215. You must be specific in your directions or the repairman will end up 25 miles from your house. Ditto for newcomers.

Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runway and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people.

Never attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like rain, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.

Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas Wash and the City of Las Vegas become as one.

The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.

Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. No highway or major road will ever be completed. Get used to it!

And, yes, we all know that man in a teddy and a tiara on Fremont Street. His name is Leslie and he probably makes more money than you do.

And, these are my favorites:

You know you're from Las Vegas, Nevada when...You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after September but clear out come May.

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

You no longer associate bridges with water, only shade.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

(But it's a dry heat!!!)

Every other vehicle is a 4x4.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.

You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

The pool can be warmer than you are.

You can make sun tea instantly.

Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"

Dogs will ask, "What's a flea?"

People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts!

You notice the best parking spots are determined by shade instead of distance.

The Air Conditioner is on your list of best friends.

You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

In summer the water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the mailbox.

No one would dream of putting vinyl/leather upholstery in a car.

And no, we do not live elsewhere and commute every day! People actually live in Las Vegas